I am only a human.

Simply can't run away far from truth, 
For the truth is my only identity. 
Can't hide in compassion and ruth,
Making charity work my serenity. 

Many miles ago I confronted 
Painful falseness behind "true love".
How funny - all that I wanted
Was my pain to be gotten rid of...

But instead, I got badly entangled 
In duality of the light and the dark. 
In my mind I continued to wrangle
With my ego that screamed, yelled, and barked. 

I've been searching for personal freedom,
For my goodness, lost innocence, love.
Yet, again, I awakened the demon, 
That had suited me just like a glove.

No more fight, I surrender to purity
Of my heart, true intentions, and mind. 
I gained trust in my own security
To stay graceful, be patient, and kind. 

I deserve my attention and care, 
No less than those that I've helped. 
I am strong, self-respecting, aware. 
No more need for the tears or yelp...




April 30. Hollywood. Sleepless night.

Wake up.

In times like such I realize what is important

And clearly see the meaning of it all...
When You are stressed, 
Your task - to find contentment, comfort.
And when You're happy -
Never loose Your mind, stay clear, stay calm.

There is a point in every deep emotion,
Where all is one: there's balance, truth, and peace.
And that's Your prayer, Your light, Your love, devotion,
In which all fears and worries can be ceased.

Don't be reckless with Your life,
Take care of the body, mind, soul.
Enjoy the moment, breathe, be kind, don't fall.
Unite with bigger You and liberate Your mind.
Remember, all is well - that's ultimately Your goal.





April 25. On my way to an oral surgery... Santa Monica.

Please, forgive.

I am about to turn the page -

There is a new chapter in my story.
I feel I'm ready for next stage. 
It's time to grow, and I'm not sorry.

What happened yesterday - is gone.
There is nothing to regret, 
So I look forward.
I shed some tears, had some fun...
My chin is up and I move onward.

In case I hurt You, please forgive,
For it was never my intention.
Cause every person is a gift,
That I receive with love, pure joy, 
And much appreciation.




April 23. Inspired. Hollywood.

Freedom.

Prisoners of our own animalistic minds.

Competitors with everlasting thirst to win.
We are destructive force with shut down dusty blinds,
With love for freedom boiling within.

Unstoppable, when make a firm decision.
Compassionate, once able to relate.
Creative, if we are moved by own vision.
In misery we suffer when we hate.

Complex and simple - primal states of being.
So powerful and willing to defeat.
Embrace it all,You'll find Your own truth - it's freeing.
And that, which brought You joy, go on, repeat.






April 22nd. After watching a movie "Runaway train" with a friend. Hollywood. We are all the same.

Back home.

But wait... I'm not my beating heart -

It always pumps without my participation.
I'm not my restless mind working hard-
The thoughts produced are none of my creation!
I'm not my outer shell. I'm not my body -
I don't even remember being faced with choice...
I am awareness. I am a soul. I am a third party,
That can be heard behind all the silly noise.




April 22. Excited about a fashion show tonight. Hollywood.

Games.

Many hours later, guess what? 

Your neck is still here, on my lips.
Your hand still caresses my hips. 
My heart rate is fast, I'm hot.

You asked me to give You some space:
Relationship wasn't Your goal.
I promised to know my place,
Which was an irrational call.

How can I keep cooling my heart?
It aches, it's been bleeding with love...
I'm good when we close, but apart
I'm questioning all the above.

I'm wondering, what is Your role?
What lesson is there to be learned?
I'm game. Now You've got the ball:
There are points ahead to be earned.

But if You are on an opposite team,
Let me know, I'll quit right away.
I'm not gonna shout or scream.
I'll be glad I was able to play.




April 20. Dreaming about a dream. Hollywood. Evening. Can't sleep.

I am.

Please, don't ask me what I do...

I live and breathe, I'm only human.
You insist? Well, here is a clue:
I am You, but look like woman.
All the labels we create
Aren't enough to give impression.
I am me. I'm love. I am great.
I am free from Your obsession.
Naming names, describing facts,
Chasing smallest recognition...
Physical appearance lacks
My profound definition...
I'm creator of my life.
I'm the writer of my story.
I'm a child, sister, wife;
I am God in all His glory.
I'm beyond this flesh and bones.
I am here and everywhere.
I'm above all pros and cons.
I'm awake and I'm aware.


April 20. This one hit me on the road. From La Cienega/Beverly Blvd. all the way till Robertson/Pico to Yoga West. Had to finally stop driving to record it properly. Beverly Hills. Channeling. 

Truth.

Deeply look into my eyes:

Do You really want to hate me?
It shouldn't come as big surprise -
I've been damaged really greatly.

All the sadness in the world
I've experienced by now.
Life was madness. Thank You, Lord,
I've survived... 
Don't know how.

Healing took a real long time.
Still, at times, I have nightmares.
I've committed no crimes.
But loved too much....
But, hey, who cares?

If I had one, one thing to say
At a moment of redemption:
Never leave the ones You love,
Please, stay.

Commit, protect, and fight temptation.



April 20. Got inspire by the image of me shot by Juhn Kwon. Hollywood. Morning.

Good-bye.

It can't go on like this. 
"THE END". 
There is "good-bye" to every story...

And all I wanted was for You - to be my friend... 
This is Your choice, and You don't have to say "I'm sorry."

I did enjoy those times when we
Were innocent, by choice -
I love that state of being!
You gifted me with love and voice:
I'm glad I, finally, speak up my truth -
It's freeing.

I'll miss Your smile and Your gaze,
The way You held me.
Mhhh, with so much passion...
But, mostly, I'll miss Your face,
Your sense of humor, wit, and taste in fashion.

Who knows when we meet again?
It doesn't really matter, really.
You're in my heart. You'll always be.
I love You so...

Now, let me go.
Please, don't make it hard, I'm gone.
Another spring will come and melt away this snow.


April 17. Wishing for something meaningful. Hollywood.

Birthday wishes.

Birthday wishes: china dishes.
Sex all night with Mr. Right.
Yummy breakfast served in bed.
Joy and laughter the morning after.
Loving gaze into my face.
Tender touch - I don't need much...

Happy Yoursday, dear child!
Stay unique, stay real, stay wild!
There is no Mr.Right...
I'm the one to hold You tight.
I'm the one to make You smile,
Forever Yours...
And not just for a little while.


March 29. My birthday. Beverly Hills Hotel. Polo Lounge. Treated myself to breakfast. Sang myself the song. Blew the candle. Forgot to make a wish... 

Dance.

My body's swinging to the beat...
I feel the music rose the heat.
My heart is dancing, racing fast.
Much joy, excitement, love, and lust.
I'm one with all and all is me.
In times, like such, I'm feeling free.
The beat of drum pulsates my vibe,
I'm one with nature and my tribe.
The melody is flow, like river.
I am a child, mother, giver...
The voices whisper in my ear.
I don't exist. I'm sound. I'm fever.
Please, join me. Don't be afraid. Unite.
Let's fall like stars in sky at night.

Life.

Living life on fire

With a passionate desire -
That's what life is all about.
Troubles come when there's doubt
Taking place instead of trust.

Seeking through within, one must
Not to look at all around.
Staying quiet, many found
Truth, that works for them the best.
Never mind, all the rest
Guiding You in some direction.
We're all looking for perfection
In this life that works for us.

Only when it's found within
No distractions, looking in,
Staying quiet for a while..
All the answers one will find
To the questions ever asked...

Have some patience.
That's a must!
You'll surprise Yourself with self,
Hidden deeply on top shelf
Of the soul that's always there.

When You do, be kind - share
With the rest that seem so lost.
Even when they aren't aware
Of the meaning to their share,
Living life to simply be...
There's more to it, You'll see!

Life - a constant search for help
That is hiding in Yourself.
Be a friend, once You wake up,
Be the light that guides way up
For the others that are lost
And for those who need it most.



New York. The wind of change was blowing that cold December morning of 2013...

Prayer.

Oh, dear God,
Please, help me live -
Today, this week, right now. 
Without You I know - I'm weak.
I'm fool to say "I know how".
Forgive me all that's in my past.
For all I know - I paid for. 
Plenty.
I realize all now, at last.
And I did not... 
When I was twenty.
I found freedom to exist
And be myself, true to the bottom.
Please, never leave me - I insist
And lead me straight to my life's autumn.

Redirection.

Now pause, exhale, and pay attention.
The answers, they are here, in stillness.
Breathe deep, relax, release the tension.
Stress is the cause of all the illness.

There's nothing wrong. Accept what is.
Stop fighting, looking for a reason.
Your journey may be short or long.
Dreams also change with every season.

The most important - here and now.
You must be present to feel alive.
Don't think about why and how -
All is already prefect in Your life.

You say it's wrong and just unfair,
You don't deserve to fall so hard...
And You are right. It's time for prayer.
Connect with soul - Your self and God.

You are a part of all existence.
You are in all and all is You.
You will remember, when You drop resistance,
To love from heart.
You'll see - You'll be brand new.



April 15. 6 a.m. Inspired. Hollywood.

Hope.

I see no reason to persist
Exploring darkness, just to see what happens.
I'm now able to resist
The sultry wink of deadly weapons.

I've suffered much and quite enough
For this lifetime and, may be, other.
I'm thirsty for a hug, good laugh.
One day I will become a mother.

What will I teach my lovely child?
If I'm myself confused and lost?
It's vital to be You, stay wild.
Yet, freedom comes with painful cost...?

This life is packed with laws, restrictions.
You must stay mindful and awake.
We deal with constant stress and friction,
Which often force us to be fake.

We learn to lie from the beginning
To please the ones we love the most.
That's how we forget the meaning
Of who we are. So we get lost...

We cherish that, which has no value.
We try so hard to fit the mold...
We chase the dreams that bring us failure.
We were just born, and now we're old.

There is a way to break the patterns.
There is a way to live in peace.
Connect with You, Your soul, Your parents.
Let go of fake. Be love. Release.